Will you ever be a good husband? Tell yourself two good things: your wife will get the partner she deserves, and you’ll get the satisfaction and, oh yes, the sex you’ve been dreaming of.
Follow these tips for more sex, boundless joy and clean underwear
1 – “Never” and “Always” Kill
When arguing with your wife, don’t use either of these two words. First of all, they’re not technically accurate. But, more importantly, they’re words that speak of essence. Instead of these indicting adverbs, use enhancing words and phrases, such as “sometimes or how I feel” or “I wish”. Fine, they’re soft, but guess what? The best husbands are actually a little more sensitive to their wives’ feelings than the average mate. By the way, the words are never and always great when you compliment her, as in “You never fail to amaze me” or “I always love going under your blouse”. And if your relationship is just getting started, don’t miss the 10 sexiest things you can say to her on day one.
2 – Work on the reunion
Let’s face it, you’re not really focusing on her, are you? She’s only getting a small portion of your attention. Not good enough.
Don’t panic. Men can’t be “in” every moment. The secret is to “marry” your limited supply of attention and save it for deployment at decisive moments. Your key moments are reunions. Take a few seconds and give yourself over to her every time you meet her. For a while, maybe two, claim her with your eyes. Look at her in a way that says: “I’m happy to be home, back in our powerful secret. This kind of subtle but daily nurturing keeps the engine running.
3 – Laugh with her
One of the most affirming things one person can do for another is to laugh at the other’s attempts at humor. Many husbands, over time, forget this greeting. Your wife isn’t funny? What’s wrong with that? Neither is your idiot boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts at humor. Why are you laughing? Because you’re trying to prove you respect him. It’s the same here. Laughter is tonic for a woman’s woes. And remember: healthy communication is the foundation of the best relationships.
4 – Make the lion roar
From time to time, husbands need to get fierce and defiant. It won’t happen often, but when you’re in a confrontational situation, where reason and sweet words have failed – a conflict with a teacher, a supplier, a bill collector, your neighbor, your mother – be ready to bark in unambiguous defense of your family. Don’t fear this obligation. Your wife’s affection for you will diminish if you do.
5 – Be a little like a boy
Yes, this goes against the previous carnivorous idea, but a husband is versatile: he can kick the ball and pluck the wedge. Gentleness and kindness and tenderness and all those traits that aren’t very useful in the marketplace are pure gold when it comes to being a husband. A good husband relies on his wife, values her advice, trusts her to love him even when he’s not in charge. We’re most human when we’re hurt or lost. Fred Rogers once said that the best gift you can give someone is to graciously receive their help. It enriches everyone, giver and receiver. Every now and then, wrap your arms around your wife and whisper that you’re confused. Let her help you find your way. If you’re stressed, don’t be afraid to open up.
6 – She needs closeness to feel sexual. You need sex to feel close
This is the fundamental, impenetrable puzzle of love. Great husbands have this reality in mind at all times.
7 – Be more sensitive
Apparently, men touch their wives too little. Non-sexual touch is a powerful and underused endorsement of another soul. As you head for the door, give her arm a quick double squeeze. When you’re on your way to a party or your table, put a light but steady hand on the small of her back. Nothing special while she’s standing by the sink washing dishes, walk up behind her and give her a kiss on the back of the head. This should be more than a peck, make it last 1.4 seconds. Add a little grunt of gratitude; her message is only this: “I’m a lucky man.” Don’t linger behind her. No arms. No trace of pelvic need. She’ll get cranky if she suspects you’re enjoying dessert while she’s scraping chicken gunk off a baking dish. Just lay the husband’s kiss on her little beast and get out of there. She’ll feel valued.
8 – See the coffee mug
The perfect husband understands that women are often confused by unimportant things, as in the unwashed coffee cup that’s been in the sink for days. Few wives understand that it’s not that men don’t see the coffee cup and choose not to rinse it, but that the neural link between their eyeballs and their brains prevents us from seeing the cup. The biology of gender, which explains why you don’t see the cup, boils down to this: men have many more important things on their minds. Will the bills be paid? A chance to make
Another complaint: men don’t help around the house enough. Guilty as charged. But here’s the solution: do more. Not much more, just a little more. One of the best things about women is that they really appreciate the smallest sign that you’re trying. They’re effort-oriented. Try walking around a room with a woman’s mind. Imagine that your brain has room for trivialities like unwashed cups.
9 – It’s not broken, so don’t repair it
People rarely change unless they feel accepted as they are. Once people feel they don’t have to change, growth happens.
10 – Play to win
Sure, you can have a great little partnership by choosing the safe route. But that’s no way to be a good husband. She’s entitled to more.
People often settle for coupling, because they’re afraid that tricky problems will blow up their marriage. They fear they’ll end up alone, living under the bridge behind the high school. Free yourself to play courageously by taking the big risk, divorce. Decide that you meant what you said at the wedding, that this woman, no matter what, is your partner for life. Older couples often say that once they’re past the point of leaving each other, their partnership gets an invigorating second wind. No longer afraid to be alone, they talk. In search of something richer than simple friendship, they explore regrets and grievances. And this can lead to a more spacious marriage, a connection that’s full of heart and well-tempered instead of glued together.
